Mile High Club or Out of Control

Flight: Detroit to Hong Kong via Japan

All Black People Look Alike

This is where the story gets juicy, so please be patient and keep reading. I pass all the business class seats and head to my seat (57H – Aisle Seat). Five minutes later a flight attendant comes to me and says, “I’m still trying to find you a seat.” At first I was confused. I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I went along as if I understood. Then it dawned on me that she confused me with another black guy. Next, I looked around and saw an African American male looking for empty seats on aisles with additional legroom.

Intimate Thought

In the mind of America, there is no denying it, “all black people look a like.” This phenomenon is powerful and very scary. I am certain that there are many African American Men in jail for crimes that they did not commit. Wrongfully convicting someone of a crime has the power to make a community feel safer, even if an innocent person pays the price. Society feels better knowing that someone taken the “rap.”

Nevertheless, she confused me with another African American gentleman, Michael Guthrie. At the time I didn’t know the gentleman’s name, but after a 16 hour flight, everyone feels like family. Keep reading, I’ll explain. My original suspicions were confirmed, denied, and then confirmed again. 10 minutes later, the flight attendant emerges and tells Michael that there is an empty exit row seat with tons of legroom that he can use during the flight. So I was correct, she did confuse me with another black guy. 5 minutes later, she reemerges and asks me whether I would like to sit in an exit row seat with tons of legroom. Wow! I guess that I was wrong.

Lesson Learned

She was genuinely concerned about helping me have extra legroom. The take away from this experience is that things aren’t always what they appear.

Exit Row Seating

I replied “Yes, but of course!” I mean as much as I like being crammed in an airplane seat with strangers on each side, I obliged and sat in the Holy Grail of Airplane Seating, the EXIT ROW! Nice. This may be a good trip after all.

What makes this new seat nice is that it is directly beside the food service section of the plane and close to the bathrooms. Food, drink, and bathroom are all in close proximity. Nice! This should make for an interesting flight!

Although by now, my #10 from McDonalds is cold, I decided to eat. Within minutes of eating my meal from McDonalds, the foodservice staff decides to serve dinner. I’m stuffed, but this is food for a King. How can I pass it up? Alright, maybe it is not food for a great king, but it is good enough for a king stuff in a 747. They really work hard to make an airplane of this size run smoothly.

Things are slowing down. I’m tired. I guess that it is time for some sleep.

Pervert On the Plane Incident

Oops, just as soon as I thought that this was going to be an eventless flight, I was proved wrong. Apparently, there is a pervert in First Class. He is accused of pulling his pants down and getting freaky with a lady in the seat beside him. They just met and before the end of the flight, she was “handling” business. Either he has game or she is a complete whore. The pervert looks drunk as a skunk. He is scarring the flight attendants, and one attendant freaked completely and let out a big yell. He kept asking to be served more alcohol and became irritated when the attendant “cut him off.” I bet that you are asking, “How do I know all of this?” Well, you guessed it, the flight attendant asked me and Michael, the other black guy, to move to first class and serve as their body guards just in case the war breaks lose and the pervert tries to do something even more disturbing.

Lesson Learned

Being black will not only get you pulled over by the police, but also get you a first class seat on an airplane just in case things seem a little fishy. People know that black folk are the last people to be terrorist or causing trouble on airplane. Black people are generally too darn scared to fly, and we sure as hell won’t be causing any disturbance on a plane. We get nervous and darn near pass out when the plane hits a little turbulence. Black people even whisper a little prayer right before takeoff and just after landing. Trust me on this! Look for the next black passenger on an airplane and tell me what happens.

Pervert No Longer On the Plane

Yeah the Pervert Situation became so bad that the crew decided divert the plan to Anchorage, Alaska and have the guy arrested by the local authorities. A few times I thought that I might have to whip this guy’s ass. Who am I fooling? I wasn’t whipping shit. I was hoping that this guy didn’t act up. He looked like he had a little fight in him. He noticed that both Michael and I would follow him around the plane when ever he got up. I was on guard trying to make sure that the guy didn’t have any accomplices or friends on the plane just in case the war came and things got ugly up in the air. The last thing I wanted to happen was me getting knocked out because some flight attendant wanted two black guys, whom she stereotyped, to protect her. It wasn’t happening on my watch.

Nevertheless, the authorities boarded the plane and arrested the pervert. Although he went willingly, he was caught off guard. He had no clue that he was about to get arrested. The diversion freaked out all of the passengers except for this guy. The pilot announced, “We are landing in Alaska for fuel, sorry for the delay and inconvenience.” Fuel my ass and everyone knew it!

What happens after the police arrest the perve?

Ø Interrogate all first class passengers and attendants

Ø The scene turns into Comedy Central. I’m taking pictures. Everyone is pulling out their cameras cautiously. No one wants to be taken to jail for making a spectacle of the situation.

Ø The flight attendants are finally happy to get rid of this guy and life is good once again in first class.

Life in First Class after the Pervert

Ø Michael and I are encouraged to remain in first class for the duration of the flight.

Ø I watched the movie 88 Minutes, starring Al Pacino. Pretty interesting movie.

Ø Now all the guys in first class are asking, “Why didn’t the flight attendants request their help?” Now everyone wants to be a hero after the fact. Interesting.

Ø We have a chance to meet a few interesting people. I met an Ex Pat, engineer from GM. We had a pretty good conversation. Seems like a smart guy. He is from Detroit, but is enjoying his time in Korea working for GM. He took some pictures, hopefully he will share them with me.

Ø We eat breakfast (omelets with danishes) and use real silverware.

Ø Michael passes out. I should do the same, but I am enjoying the moment right now. Life is good.